07 December 2005

I used to be an optimistic and hopeful person. Crusty took that. I find the awareness that he did so on purpose-frankly his sole purpose-to be the reason for the crushing loss, ultimately.

What sort of evil does it take to deliberately crush someone's spirit? I have asked myself that question over and again the past couple of years since the truth of his motives really sank in.

He knew precisely what he was doing to Fox and me, and what the consequences would be to Fox and me of what he was doing. The day I understood that he'd done it all precisely for the effect it would have was the day my world crumpled. My personality imploded.

His words spoken in the days after the discovery that my suspicions were correct came back with devastating clarity-"I am not a monstor." The day those words were uttered he had confessed finally to years of brothel hopping, and to have taken actions against one particular prostitute who had inconvenienced him. He proudly told me he had turned her into the corrupt police force because she foolishly had expected him to leave me for her. "She inconvenienced me." I went into an even deeper survival mode. But I was still a forgiving soul-I couldn't believe he knew what he had done and what the consequences would be to Fox and me.


This is America. These things don't happen here. HA.

Can, do. Daily.

How do we fight this Lord?

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Regretfully I've had to update my blog to comment moderation to prevent spamming. LOL, if only the fools knew my blog is seen by a very small and select group-it might help them understand the waste of time it is to spam my blog! Oh well, it's not as though spammers are very bright, after all.