30 October 2009

A quick update from the nice free computers at the local library...

Gonzo, Mozart and I are getting along although it has been now 32 days without a job. I keep sending the resume off, but no-one calls back.

I have to believe there is a reason, but holy moly, things are getting scary.

I come down to the library every Monday, Weds, and Friday to check the online ads and my gmail account hoping that something has turned over and I might find a job.

The cats and I are OK on food but the lot rent for the Tin Shack is coming due on the first-I have now $1.40, and no-where to turn.

Don't know what else to say. If you are a praying person, I would appreciate prayers. Things are tough everywhere-is Obama insane thinking that a recovery can happen without jobs? I lost mine to a younger and less paid girl-how is she going to make it if I wasn't making it all that well even though I live in a Tin Shack, and barely had Internet?

I read Catastrophe and The Big Squeeze, two books written recently about the nightmare we are going through. Catastrophe was a little (lot) slanted, but a number of the points were valid, and therefore scary. The Big Squeeze just made me cry from page one to page last-we are so screwed.

If I can find gasoline money (I am now on a quarter tank, with no money coming in-hey, if I had anything worth pawning I would, but I can't even afford a converter box for my old TV) I'll try to keep this blog updated.

Lord? I know you hear me, I know you have a reason for this, but Lord, I miss my little life, such as it was without my son. Could I please get a break here about finding a job??

08 October 2009

OK, things aren't going well for nearly every one on the planet.

There have been over 49 large earthquakes in the South Pacific, Asia, and other spots on the Pacific Ring of Fire in the last 24 hours.

Several credible sources (Google 'em, I can't afford to be screwed by some fat-cat whose last name is best known as being the daddy of that swell mainstream media outlet intent on charging for access to information) say this earthquake activity is "most unusual" and the FoxsMom Doom Meter is inching into the red zone.

Especially when I look at the global doom unfolding-the economy is about to see another hit from ARM mortgages going into default, additionally, reverse morrtgages are expected to become a huge problem-SOON.

Less than one job opening exists for every one thousand job seekers (of which I am one "...alms, alms for the poor...")

Panflu is hotting up, several people have died today alone and the news within the next week is going to be rather alarming even to those who have thus far skated by singing the ever popular meme "Wash yer hands, it's mild, just wash yer hands...". Sure, and that's why you are all of a sudden urging people to get that adjuvent loaded (although they swear it's not, but damn, what's thimerisol after all, if not something added? It's mercury, btw) vax, it's mild. Um huh.

In Detroit yesterday approximately 50K (yes that's right, I typed fifty-thousand) people tried to get in on 5K (yes that's right, I typed five-thousand) available applications for federally assisted housing money.

OK, so far Doom wise we've got:

Earthquake doom
More mortgage meltdown doom
Job doom
PanFlu doom
Housing doom

If that ain't DOOM-IN-YER-FACE, what is? But wait! There's more...

The fine city fathers and economic developers of a tiny Montana town named Hardin damn near lost what little they had left when a company claiming (but covertly claiming, they coyly never named names) to be an off-shoot of Blackwater and tried take over the town.

No, really, I can't make this stuff up. They rode into town in three black Mercedes Benz suvs emblazoned with the non-existent Hardin PD logo that supposedly somehow had morphed to include a Serbian aristocratic house emblem.

Luckily they were eventually exposed as two-bit chumps looking to scam a small Montana town that just so happens to own an empty semi-state of the art small prison...The self-styled CEO has a warrant out for his bad self in WY, and oh yeah, he's done time in a California DOC 'guesthouse'-read that as prison.

And oh yeah, the Mercedes Benz vehicles were leased and the payments not been made.

So add contractor doom to the growing doom list. We are so screwed.

And I still cannot find a job. Times like these I'm glad my children don't talk to me, or else I'd be having a terrible time keeping it from them-money is soooo short, I'm running out of it and lot rent (includes electric and water), cell, and Internet are due on the 15th. I am probably writing my last blog entry in a while...

If it is, hope to see you on the Flip Side.

Keep those hands washed, kids, and stay close to a doorway or sturdy table in case of a 'quake so big it reaches YOU.

04 October 2009

Wow, the world went through it on the 29th, right? Quakes, tsunamis, unemployment through the roof...

At 0720 where I sit this morning the sky is only now beginning to lighten. More rain is predicted for today and we are on a flood watch until tomorrow. The last flood here has left several area rivers so polluted we are being warned off so much as sticking a hand in them. Nice.

Since being fired Monday afternoon I have been doing a lot of tidy ups and winterizing projects but I need to find a job or else someone else will be reaping the rewards of my work.

When I was married and would try to prepare for a season change Crusty would become impatient-he really hated any kind of prepping against anything. We lived in Central Florida during Hurricane Andrew and he got a huge laugh out of those who were concerned.

He made me feel as though I was stealing from him if I bought extra food and water. Swell guy. So glad we are divorced.

I have been missing my children especially the last month. The past week more so. I wasn't kidding when I wrote that losing my job meant losing the only place I had to be.

In the end, it's a toss-up on why I am anxious to find a job-money for bills etc, or to have a place to be.

I want to be careful about the next position, but I don't think I can afford to be too careful considering my money situation. I simply don't think I have the time to be all that choosy.

And frankly I don't have all that much interest in leaving the house to go through what I went through at the old job. Jeez, I think I am traumatized by it all.

I went to work that first day so excited to be working for a Fortune 400 company. Wow, health insurance, a job where I could shine, make friends even.

OK, I never used the health insurance. Any time I shone, my co-workers made a point of slamming me, so the friends thing didn't work out all that well.

Today I will do some more things around the house to winterize. I'm clearing out some of the clutter, too. It's hard to motivate myself to do anything beyond read and crochet, though. Friday I found the Fall decorations, and I wasn't all that excited to try to put those out.

I've been depressed for years, I know that. But hopeless, well that is somewhat a new thing for me, and knowing that it happened at my job hurts.

I can't even begin to articulate how awful it was there, how disappointing that I was punished for excelling. Figuring out just how damaging it all was makes throwing myself back out there almost impossible-I've been putting it off.

All I ever wanted from life was to be a homemaker for a family that appreciated my efforts-others have that, why can't I? I am a good person, and I was a good wife, a good mother.

But I am sitting here on an early Fall morning trying to convince myself to get back out into the world because it is the only chance I have of surviving, the chance of finding friends, meaningful work...

When the only work for myself I ever saw as meaningful was as a homemaker. I think we are the souls who keep the world together, and God knows the world is not all that together now.

And I face its crumbling alone.