31 August 2010

Dazz is off on a business consult so I stayed in and am going to be getting some things done around the house...first thing is minding the fire.

We tested the newly installed wood stove day before yesterday-utterly lovely and heats far better than the old central gas system. We were very comfortable yesterday and last night, waking to a lovely chill-less house this morning! As the day is forecast to be as chilly as yesterday, I volunteered to give up the outing for the chore of keeping the home fire burning.

Besides, the poor man hasn't been off on his motorbike since I arrived nearly two weeks ago and I could see the longing in his face, lol! Ooooo, he looks soooooooooo sexy in his leathers, too!

So, the sweaters are in the wash, the 'investment cooking' of a lovely large casserole is split into portions and put into the fridge, and I'm keeping the fire going. Hmmm, let's see, what else...

I want to organize his cupboard, cut out some patterns because frankly I'm running out of clothing, and I want to start a crochet scarf for me-OMGsh Scotland is already experiencing a frost!! I also want to clean the cooker-the Scottish way to say stove-bloody hell bachelors can be blind!

Also hoping to run the vacuum, but I am not sure about the mechanism, I'll have to study it, Scottish vacuums look like American wet-dry vacs but I'm reasonably sure there does indeed exist a difference.

To Zippy, Sadie, and the rest of the crew, not sure when Mozart, Gonzo, and Gracie will be able to join us. I have to have my spousal visa and it is looking as though the process may take longer than expected to include the very real possibility that I may have to return to America for a few months-OH NOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Other than that, settling in nicely. It is very strange to be doing so, what is the matter with me that I'm not suffering more homesickness? I do miss Mozart and his fur-sibs, I woke up missing my Ginger Boy terribly this morning.

Something interesting, the church here rings the bells on the hour. WOW, now that is nice!!

26 August 2010

We have the plumber in-he will be removing all of the gas lines so that we can begin using the new wood stove for heating. GOOD-I'm bloody freezing and it's only the end of August. We've fired up the portable gas heater the last few nights to take the chill off, and it helps, but we'll need the heat on full time soon, and it will be a great help to have the gas lines gone. The cost of gas just keeps rising...

S_D hired a car for my first week here so that we could go around to the places he most wanted me to see, and it's been a lovely week. We turned the car in yesterday and rode the bus home from the town he hired the car in, and that was fun too! The buses are clean, convenient, and damned handy!

While we had the car we went around to several of the MUST-SEE sites, Montrose, Castle Dunnattor (where he called me a few months back and told he he finally had to admit he was falling in love with me), Elgin, the Highlands, and we paid our respects at his mother's grave.

In Dundee we visited the McManus Museum where we were privileged to view a Titian masterpiece, and hundreds of other magnificent pieces of the collections there. Scotland is an unsung art treasure trove, I've seen more great works in the short week that I've been in the country than I ever saw in The States. I only exagerate a little, truly.

We are now living the life we will be living for what I pray are years to come-we walk to the shops, all close by, and if we need to go into a larger town for supplies or entertainment, the best bigger town is a short bus ride away, at a reasonable price.

Life here is better for me given my preferences for something simpler-I don't miss owning a car, I don't miss the mega shopping centers I knew in the States, and I fer damn sure don't miss the NOISE! I don't miss the vandalism, the litter (OMGsh the Scots are clean people!), and I haven't heard one scrap of rap music since I've been here.

The butcher, baker, and a few very nice small groceries round out our food needs; the past few days we've finished furnishing the house for far under £300 thanks to all of the really nice secondhand shops, and that just amazes the hell out of me-we found such lovely furnishings for the house (a suite for the lounge, a room better known in the States as a living room) dining table and chairs, and a gorgeous chest of drawers for me.

We live just down the lane from a beautiful park, and less than a half mile from the loch where we pick blackberries for a snack as we walk around it for exercise. We'll go back in a week or so with bags to pick enough berries to put up for winter treats. I want to find the raspberries S_D thinks grow nearby, too-I've become hooked on the little red darlings!

The house is shaping up, LOL, S_D is SUCH a bachelor he had no clue the taps in the bathroom need replacing! We are having new carpeting put in the lounge-hopefully before the suite is delivered Wed week, and after the paint is finished.

The garden is going to be a fun project, we have room for veggies, a fantastic place for the compost heaps, and I even have a space for the rose garden and a small sitting-entertainment area. I've managed to convince (wasn't hard) S_D that we can set up a lovely hobo style campfire too-won't that be lovely for having friends over?

I've met some of his friends, all very nice people, too, and they seem to like me-WOW!! It's rather nice to be going about town and catch people looking at us and smiling. This morning we cleared out the garage to make room for stacked wood and as his neighbours passed they would look in and smile. He is well loved, and I think everyone is happy S_D has finally found a woman who suits him.

Weel, that's about it for an update. Things are going along well here I think. Thank-you to Sybernetics for leaving such lovely comments-don't be shy any one else who stops by, Anon's are welcome to leave a message:)

22 August 2010

I began my new life 18th August 2010, flying for nearly 24 hours across an ocean and a sea to join my incredibly wonderful Scotsman.

I flew from Atlanta to Chicago to Stockholm and finally, across the North Sea, to Edinburgh, where I went through a grilling from the Border Agency officer, a lovely young woman who looked me in the eye and said "You haven't come to fall in love have you?"

Well, not exactly-I was already in love, or so I thought...HOLY MOLY, I fall in love, more in love, with this man every day! He is beyond belief, I am happy-he is happy. Life is good.

And yeah, I know what day it is...525 years, and I'm here in Scotland-quiet, gentle Annie who always froze because Scotland was so cold, yet here she is, warm, safe, LOVED-RESPECTED. New York can keep the Psalter, and Elizabeth can keep my former husband. This is the last time I will recognize that or any other day of the last five thousand years I used hoping the day would finally come that he realised the truth, the day he would really see ME and not a dowry, lands, titles, gains, alliances, empires...Ciao baby, ciao. Quiet and gentle Annie died a LONG time ago, Ginnie too, died, and the men who died with you that June day, too...Done, my old dear, DONE

A new adventure begins...and it is beginning very, very well. I do the Very-Very Happy Dance finally partnered-very finely.

17 August 2010


I'm off. Freyson has my information, I've listed him (and Mary) to be contacted in case of, well, you know.

Do you remember Hurricane Ivan? How the tornadoes were all around me at the office and your dog and I took refuge in the bathtub? And how I texted you thinking I was about to die, and I wanted the last words you read/heard from me were that I loved you and 'Bas, and to be a good father?

'K, right then.

You already know what I have to say-six years haven't diminished my love for you and 'Bas, nor dulled my hopes that you will indeed be a good father.

One thing I did leave out during the 'cane, though, and I need to tell you this before I get on the plane that will be taking me thousands of miles from you...

I'm sorry I disappointed you as a parent. I'm praying for you, that you never endure that same disappointment from your son. But I'm asking you to remember that you can only do the best that you can do based on what you know at the time, and the sort of people you have around you giving you advice at the time. And then all you can do is hope that your child will one day understand that about you, and give you a chance.

In short, you are the sum of all your parts. Don't be too hard on yourself, and if 'Bas ever tries to tell you what a cock-up you've been as a dad, man-up, take it, and try to get him to talk to you-erm, he may not be willing in the time you hope he will.

I used to love flying. Privately, and commercially. That ended on 11th September, 2001. I miss stick time, but ya know, before Grandpa Gunn died I told him I was going to go back and try to get my adult license. He warned me off it, saying the corridor I'd be doing most of my flying in was going to become too dangerous. Turns out he was right.

And now I'm on my way to Scotland. Funny how things work out, right Son?

Any road, I love you, I'm sorry for the things I've done, I forgive you for the things you've done, and I hope that one day I speak to you again, in peace.

You'd really like the man I'm going to marry. He is the epitome of "...a guid clean Scot" your Granddad Gunn was always on about. Who'da thunk it?!

As for Pop, swear to God Son, I know I have his blessing. I would have liked to have yours-I would have liked you to have been at the wedding, done the hand-over. I'll miss you.

And..."I'll Love You Forever", "My Beautiful Boy", in my heart "You Are So Beautiful", and always will be, because "Hope Floats".

LOL, Your Bri, she got every one of those, and I think you should know that for all her faults (ahem, like you're faultless?), the first book she bought your son was "I'll Love You Forever", and she tried to learn both songs I used as lullabies, but truthfully, holy moly, she never could get the hang on John and Yoko's ode to their son...she did a little better with the Cocker tune, though:)

Fox, do not let 'Bas grow up without music, please. PLEASE!! He should have enough in him of me that he should be able to sing and play violin (at least until he ruins his hands the way I did)-please encourage him.

Ta my son, I'm away.

03 August 2010

God willing, this is my last blog entry from American soil. I am moving to Scotland where I will be married to the most amazing man on Michaelmas. We will live in his house, in his little farm town on the northeastern coast near Arbroath.

My hands are shaking-what a surprise!

I met him through my peak oil forum. Love in the 21st century, after I'd resigned myself to a loveless life (read meaningless, empty, devoid...). He is a retired conservation officer-buildings and infrastructure, who better to fall in love with slowly over two years than a man who styles himself Slow_Dazzle, and posted these amazing buildings, intriguing links, and tantalizing tidbits about himself?

He overdosed on Doom at one point, and dropped off the board-I missed him dreadfully and longed for his return without wanting to understand that I'd fallen in love...another member started a 'Where's S_D' thread and I jumped on immediately-"I love S_D!" Horrified at the bold statement, I hoped no-one noticed my vehemence! I went on to remind everyone that he'd gone to paint his house-surely I wasn't the only one who remembered his statement the day he terminated his account and went off to paint his house...

He tells me that he decided to return when he saw my post.

I still wanted to avoid the awareness that I was already in too deep-when he began 'private messaging' through the forum, I tried so hard to be ultra cool without even knowing I was doing so. But...yet...deeper down the rabbit hole I flung myself until one morning I woke up and realized I was reaching for the BlackBerry before anything else, to see if he'd emailed during the night-by that point we'd exchanged private email address' and were burning up the inboxes.

Until one day he rang, and we spoke, and I fell completely, and so did he, and now I will leave The Tin Shack, the USA, and every thing/place/person I've known for the last 53+ years to undertake what is to me the most amazing adventure I have ever had in the whole of my five thousand years.

Poor, poor Slow_Dazzle! Sometimes I think he knows very well what he is getting himself into, and other times I am absolutely positive the only clue he has is that a woman who loves him utterly is tossing away a lifetime to travel thousands of miles to be his wife.

Perhaps one day I will tell him who and what I am-will he believe me? Doubtless, once he has met me, been around me for a briefish time. But...

Will I learn, will I know who he is? That is my question-who is this man who has healed my shattered soul, restored my spirit, made me whole again? Who is he? Can I have found somehow another like myself?! He hints, innocently, at years as long or perhaps longer than mine!

I have loved before. I have lost love I thought was a once-only, a tragic loss that shredded me so completely I was willing to live in a Tin Shack clinging precariously to the side of a North Georgia mountain. Five thousand years I waited for that one to trust me, to believe in me, yet he did one time only then never again. I believed with my entire being that one was my One, did I not hear the voice of God on it?

Yet...he betrayed me. He used me for chi, and left me hanging on a cliff clinging to a tree root that over the shortest time gave sickeningly until I was a broken heap over the rocks below. How does a person get over that final betrayal? The answer I thought was that a person does not ever get over, or past, or through; one only gets through each day to face yet another dismal eking out of merest survival.

Yet the heart heals. Amazingly. The heart heals. The process began I now think, thousands of years ago-with each realization that my One didn't, yet again, trust me, respect me, I was wounded, yet began the healing process, until finally my heart and soul was able to accept that God's Hope floats.

At one point I think Slow_Dazzle was shocked that HE was falling in love...he tried to break it off, and I hurled insults, abuse, anger, hurt-I went too far, and we didn't speak for days. He reached for me, though, and I flung myself into his arms-I will stay there now.

He has had cancer-twice. I'm not stupid and I know the chances of losing him too soon are higher than for most. I plead with God, DO NOT TAKE HIM AWAY! How much time is enough, how long does it want before it's OK to take him?

Over my lifetimes I have been married many times, usually to the same men, over and again. But never to this man, this wonder of a man, who makes me truly say "Forever, oh God, please give us Forever!"

I am in the middle of preparing to leave; making arrangements for the dog and two cats, packing what little I want to take to Scotland, arranging to meet my son's friend to leave the gun and a letter for the child of my soul, my Fox, the son who's estrangement from sent me away from Southeast AL to find solitude and anonymity in North GA. I contacted the friend, who contacted Fox, who is disinterested. My heart breaks while it simultaneously is soothed and healed by the man I wish could have been Fox's father.

Slow_Dazzle is not perfect, which of course makes him so, I laugh mentally as I count his 'faults'. He boxed as a young man, he rides screaming fast motorbikes (at our age, although at any age screaming motorbikes combined with my soon-to-be-husband and/or my beloved son fill my whole being with terror-two Mother's Day nights ago my son was t-boned by an idiot in a car and terribly injured. Naturally he refused to see me. Naturally.

S_D has had 'ink' removed, he sports one tatoo now and murmered something about having it removed as well.

He also has several degrees from UK universities-his intelligence is breathtaking!

Pop would have loved him. Fox? Yes, Fox will too. I pray with a fervour matched only by the fervour with which I pray that S_D and I have at least fifty years of this life together, that Fox will open his heart and finally know a real father, as I will finally know a real husband.

God is good. The Enemy slams shut a door, and God opens an entire world:)