22 July 2006

I am running out of time. I MUST find an apartment this weekend.

The overpriced one I thought I had didn't happen-the manager needed an entire month rent as a security deposit plus the first month rent-all at one time; I had to let it go.

Just as well, high voltage (and plenty of them) towers were the turn into landmark. I am consoling myself by telling myself that God didn't really want me there.

Plus, after number crunching, I really need something a lot less expensive, at least one hundred less a month in rent, preferably $150.00, or else I won't be able to start saving for my (hehe) retirement.

LOL, "retirement" was A-never in my plan book anyway; and B-the "retirement" I must now start saving for includes the realization that I will more than likely spend the rest of my life completely alone.

Bleak. I did not come back to be alone. Grim. Life for a woman alone AND penniless is never, ever a pleasant one. Any joys found are snatched quickly away by people like my former boss; people who believe they are dispensing "Christian Charity" when they give you a job, and then expect 24/7/365 slavish and servile toadying as recompense.

These sort usually particularly enjoy finding pleasure in heaping extra work on you while you are trying to get out the door to church/a meal/companionship/the doctor-my old boss used to say that "Poor people can't afford: dignity, Jesus, holidays, health care..."

A real jerk, that one, and I am truly blessed to be shut of him, his family, and his so-called charity. Knowing that he will answer to a much higher authority brings no comfort, though, only grief, as usual, that he chose to fall from grace.

Crusty would love this, I'm sure. He was literally Hell-bent to 'teach' me the all important lesson that people are evil, mean, and rotten to the core. He hated that I hoped for Man; he counted on being able to call out, with his dying breath, "Jesus, I believe in you!" as his get out of jail free card.

No, really, he did.

We lived in the Deep South for most of the 'marriage' and those who live in the American South know that for years the habit of the Christian Fundamentalists was to place signboards near the curbs of their home with Bible quotes. This was an effort to save souls from the fires of Hell, and their primary Christian duty-when they weren't lording it over their neighbours or the latest 'needy' person they'd dispensed their version of Christian charity to.

As we passed one that read something to the effect that 'believing on Jesus name is the only thing that will save you from the fires of Hell" Crusty would point and smugly inform me that he believed in Jesus, so he was "Saved" and all he had to do was call that out with his last breath...

After a few years, I kept my opinion of his lunacy to myself in an effort to spare myself the overwhelming sense of banging my head against a wall. Wifely duties or not, you really cannot save anyone determined to drown in stupidity.

Truly, these are the days of the Winnowing that Jesu warned us about.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, the wars are ramping up.

Obviously, from my last post, I am sadly convinced that Israel is doing as it must; Israel is doing just what Hamas, Hezbollah, and Iran/Syria manipulated Israel into having to do.

I am NOT a Dubbyah fan, frankly; on his 'good days' the guy reminds me of no-one more than Curious George, the sock monkey (who, BTW, is a fictional character, as I am beginning to suspect Dubbyah may be, too) to whom our current president bears an unfortunate resemblance to.

On his bad days he sort of reminds me of Mussolini, without the mistress'

And I really do believe he A-stole the election in 2000; and B-lied through his Texas teeth about Iraq to get our troops in there.

BUT. I don't believe he is the Anti-Christ, or even a wannabe.

So, that said, I have to say I find myself feeling sorry for G. W. Bush.

Sort of.

'Cause as Dubbyah's idiocy leads us farther and deeper down the primrose path to destruction; and as the Biblical prophecies keep happening no matter that most 'normal' people want to deny it, life as we now know it struggles to go on.

The power is off in many NYC homes-Con Ed can't figure out why; at least in St Louis officials can blame the storms. Any road, folks in the affected areas are struggling to survive the heat-not a cliche, 'struggling to survive', a reality. But people aren't in a full scale panic; life goes on.

In Las Vegas, it is now illegal to give food to the homeless-there goes your Faith-Based Initiative, Georgie. (Not to mention that by this time next week I may be homeless, and thus in need of a free sandwich or orange...) Life goes on.

Or does it?

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