Oh JEEZ!

I got to work at 0600 this morning, and had to sit in my car for twenty minutes before I could force myself into the building. It took another twenty minutes to force my self into the work space to clock in and get to work.

A little more than an hour later I had to leave the room, then the building, and I told my new supervisor that I would be back Monday with a much better attitude.I hope I can pull it off, and I hope I still have a job Monday morning to go to with an adjusted attitude.

Bear-Stern is in free-fall, and things do not look good.Oh jeez.

I'm so upset I cannot quite catch my breath, and my hands are shaking. My new supervisor seems to think that I should not be too concerned about just how screwed my job prospects are now, that it really isn't too big a deal, and my 'spin' is the wrong one, and I should just see things differently.

I feel as though my murderer just told me my death was inevitable so i should just relax and enjoy it.

Blondie did this, and I hope the truck taking her household goods south to the beach spontaneously erupts, and all her ill-gotten gains go up in smoke like my modest little future employability has just done. My former ex-boss who is now my boss again cheerily helped her, ensuring he would have the services of someone he could count on to write his spreadsheets and word.docs that he could then pass off as his own; someone he knew would be professional and take up the rather large slack left behind by his pets. Someone he could count on to pull him through the security checks and audits, and then shut the hell up until the next time the auditors appear.

Blondie screwed me over to cover her tracks, putting me in a position to be rendered voiceless; Former ex-boss/new supervisor screwed me over so that he could have his "dream team" on board without any more of those pesky worries that someone upstairs might leverage me out of the dungeon and into a real job. She told our mutual boss that I couldn't handle any more responsibilities, and he agreed with her in a meeting that sealed my fate.

The man seems to think that since my ungenerous pay was not cut, I should not be complaining.

For the past two years and five months I have been wasting my time, and I'm now sure the company that employs me feels I've been wasting theirs.

I am not a member of the team, I am not valued, I am not respected, and I am not going to be able to transfer into any other department and thereby pull this out of the hopper.

I feel sick and disappointed, the pain is beyond describing.