08 May 2006

Sometimes it really is all too much.

Tomorrow is my grandson's second birthday. I haven't seen him since 21st July 2006, the day I called DHR to try and get some help for my son and his child's mother-she was about to give the baby to her mother, a woman with narcolepsy (but still drives) and who is on several psychotropic drugs (she tried to kill her lesbian daughter while on one of those drugs), and who when she is overwhelmed by the burden of the grandbaby, sends the grandbaby off with her sister-who is addicted to prescription pain relievers and is not at all hesitant to steal to support her habit or drive while under the influence.

Yeah, I called DHR. They sent the police, but the baby was already gone with the other grandmother-out of the county-sorry, ma'am, not our jurisdiction...

Yesterday I had face the reality of what my roommate's ADHD has done to my life. I am in financial trouble, and will be paring down even further than I already have to repay the overdraft and nsf's I've racked up because I am roommating with a guy who smilingly shrugs off the knowledge that his saying one thing and then changing it has put me in the red, forgets what he said three days or three weeks ago, and can be rather unpleasant when he thinks I can't cough up enough to cover his idea of my share of the bills. He says he can't do much about it.

To his credit, he doesn't shout or become violent, really. I simply become terrified when anyone looks cross when they are threatening to throw me out-and then forgets they said that. I am also unnerved when he slams the doors, puts something down with what to me is unnecessary force-it triggers real terror in me because when Crusty did those things, he did them as a 'warning' that he was about to erupt. With Roomie I think it is just that he is unaware of the emotions those behaviours create for me.

I tried addressing those issues with him last night. He made an effort the rest of the evening, and when he came in for lunch, he continued the effort.

I have been advised (at an ADHD message/support board) that most of his behaviours are typical of adults with ADHD. From reading the posts, I see that most adult ADHD'rs exhaust the people in their lives. That the syptoms of the ADHD sabotage them-they lose jobs, friends, homes...I've also been advised to get the hell out of Dodge.

If I move out he will probably lose the apartment, and have to, at age 29, return to his mother's place down in Dothan. I can't think of anything more devastating for him.

I'd like to help him get sorted out, but the things I have tried to do while I've been here have not been accepted. He isn't interested (or perhaps capable of) in following any sort of routine-if we agree on a meeting, he forgets to show up, or is so distracted by something like the ceiling fan that nothing is accomplished. If something is accomplished, he promptly forgets what that is, and then says "Gotta go!"

I am nearly 50 years old. I miss my family so terribly I have trouble getting through each day-what help can I be to someone who cannot even manage to recall that we agreed he would put the mail on the dinner table? Or that when he failed to do that, I would have the only mailbox key, and would put the mail on the dinner table?

Today while doing my laundry I found a spare mailbox key. One that he must have had in his trouser pockets when he did his laundry yesterday.

A few weeks ago I found literal STACKS of MY mail-tucked in his trunk, his glove box, under his car seats. We were busy cleaning out his little car so that his mother could use it. When I said something to him about my mail, he looked embarrassed, but also brushed it aside. And then forgot he had failed to deliver my mail to me-several of the unopened pieces were bills!

How can I help someone who thinks he is OK, and everyone should adjust to his ADHD? That is the feeling I get from him-that he is OK with his disorganization so the rest of us should be as well.

But his problem has affected my life now, and I don't know that I have the energy to cope with it.

I don't know what to do.

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