29 October 2005

I blog. I'm tempted to get a hold of my ex-almost-daughter-in-law and tell her how to find the thing.

The last I heard, she was stripping up in Rhode Island, living with another of my ex-almost-daughter-in-laws. The one I liked very much, and truly wish Fox had been able to keep. But losing either of them was not his fault, the one I liked has MS, and didn't want to be a burden to Fox; the one I frankly try VERY hard not to hope will get hit by a bus full of nuns on pilgrimage is no loss to Fox. And he didn't have anything to do with loosing that scut either.

He has had three, the first one he fell in love with shortly after we returned from Guatemala. She hung in there until just after Crusty was caught.

Sadly, within a few months, her father was 'caught' too, and a nice family was torn apart. The only difference is that she had a nice family, and it was quite shocking to find out her father had been meeting women over the Internet for several years. Her poor mother, because she had truly been in love with the creep, was shattered.

Mercifully I never loved Crusty that way. For me the only bad thing about all of it was the way Crusty was so thorough about ensuring that Fox and I would suffer. He said he had to teach us to appreciate how good we had it while he was around. He actually asked me, sometime around December of '98, to stay married to him on paper so that he could continue to get the tax breaks. Fiancee #1's father at least provided financially for the family after he too decamped for greener (read younger and more sexually adventurous) pastures.

Fox and I sat in cheap plastic web beach chairs for months, I had to sell things to get money for food-when I ran out of things to sell, I got used to eating half meal a day instead of one full one. Fox and I went hungry, we were cold in what passes for winter in south east Alabama until I managed to squeeze out enough to buy us Goodwill clothes. I tried to get a job-what a joke! Crusty scotched that, too.

Crusty was not too good about paying the alimony on time, and flat refused to pay the child support until three months before he didn't have to pay it anymore. I'll only mention in passing that the only reason he paid that little bit was because a supervisor of his happened on me one afternoon while in town for a meeting, and was shocked at my appearance. He asked what the hell was going on, and I was so damn tired from the daily struggle that I told him.

But Crusty made up for it all, he cut the alimony.

And anyway, from Day One, he'd told me he would kill me if I complained. I'm not quite sure how the supervisor got him paying the little that he did pay. All I know is that I am still breathing, although I'll never quite lose the crick in my shoulder blades.

The second ex-fiancee is the one with MS, the third is the scut. Plus he has had the girlfriends.

I tried so hard, is it my fault that all of Fox's ex girlfriend/fiancees keep in touch with me except the scut? The first one is now a mother of two beautiful little girls, and emails me monthly reports. I feel like her fairy god-mother. What a lovely girl she was, what a lovely young woman she is now. Her husband is wonderful, too. She and Fox were doomed from the start; she is a Mormon, he is a Roman Catholic to the core.

The RC thing is not my fault, it is Crusty's. I came to the forced marriage an Anglican, but Crusty is a cradle Catholic and I tried to be a good wife. I told myself God doesn't care where you bend your knee as long as you do it somewhere.

Not that I am into that "Wrathful God in need of Glorification" thing. Far from it. I used to hear Jesus alternately laugh and weep during Mass, especially during the Holy Eucharist part.

Please, do your homework people. "Body and Blood" is so bloody (pun intended, I think) pagan! The guy spent his ministry using parables, why does everyone not get that?

I used to say that if the Archbishop of Canterbury knew how I felt about things, he would bring back excommunication. Now I really don't care, I think His Grace is going to have a few things to discuss with God when he gets there...

"Now Rowan, what were you thinking when you told openly homosexual priests that you would recognize their same sex 'marriages' but only if they promised not to have sex?"

Please, please, someone give me a break!! Can you imagine being in love enough with someone to risk everything by going public with the relationship, and then have to promise not to make love with your partner? Bloody hell, what a lot of claptrap; those poor people! How ridiculous is that??!!

"I did not leave the Church, the Church left me." Truer words...

I blog. How very wonderfully cathartic it is.

1 comment:

  1. Oh... I don't know what to say. I just want you to know that I paused just now to say a prayer for you.

    Life can be very hard.

    Take care.


Regretfully I've had to update my blog to comment moderation to prevent spamming. LOL, if only the fools knew my blog is seen by a very small and select group-it might help them understand the waste of time it is to spam my blog! Oh well, it's not as though spammers are very bright, after all.