15 October 2005

I am Fox's mom. I believe I signed up for that job. I am Celt and Pict-we believe in re-unification of souls from a family unit in new lives after death in another. I am not a pagan, actually I believe Jesus bar Joseph was the Promised One. But I am sure Jesus believed in re-incarnation, too. "...but Elijah has returned and you would not know him..."

So, I signed up for this. But I damn sure did not sign up to be treated like the village idiot by my son, his father, or anyone else. And since when does making the very common sensical decision to stay alive when Crusty would put a loaded (58 grain jacket hollow points in a .41 mag) gun to mine or Fox's head make ME the bad guy?

Here's another ? to ponder...how am I a professional victim if I never once in all those horrific years tried to "get help", but instead tried to get away on my own? Did I ever once throw myself on the dubious mercy of "community services" or the police? No.

(Last night I went to websites for 'displaced homemakers'-what a sad pathetic joke, a subtle twist of the knife by those who swear they have compassion. Really nice to be lumped in with winos and welfare cheats. It kind of reminded me, in a strange way, of the typing test I took at the temp agency yesterday-how awful and demeaning was it to have to touch type under such pressure from text going on and on about how older workers in particular have nothing to offer in today's society and so had best put themselves into the temp market? When did the meaning of compassion morph to 'blame the victim'?)

Who knew Fox was going to cherish his anger over his mother? Who knew that little wretch was going to embrace chaos as a lifestyle yet at the same time expect me to fund it and it's consequences, wait until I was out of money, and then move on? And who in all the hells man devises in his spare time knew that Fox would dine out on it? Gods, my son the grifter.

He hates me. He hates me because...because why, I would like to know. Is it because once people he has whined to meet me, they figure out he is full of steer droppings? Is it because I refuse to lie down and be a doormat? That I am a abjurer of b_llsh__ers? That I refuse to play games, and shun jerks who are so cowardily the only way they can get by is to play games 24/7?

Chaos begets more chaos, like homelessness, and unpaid bills. Chaos opens the front and back door for facists and goblins, who strip your soul and find debased pleasure when you cry out.

There is no freedom in chaos, only slavery-why do you think it is so encouraged? Look at who encourages it? Bush, and his ilk.

Think about it. If your life is in chaos, you can be controlled. Take it from a 'survivor' of domestic violence. Crusty (AKA The Ex) deliberately courted chaos in order to control, it is the MO of all bullies. He made sure I would be in the most vunerable of positions, and then he trebled it's horror, and decamped.

Bushies saw the successes of small time players like Crusty, and enlarged upon it. Why? Well, duh, to enslave. To render helpless. Quickest way to set people on the path to institutionalized slavery. Cheap and helpless labour source-why am I stupid if I am the one who has to spell it out to you? (Think FEMA.)

Jesu, I am so bloody tired of the willfully ignorant thinking they will prevail. You lie to yourselves. Why should anyone save you when you choose this not only for yourselves, but every one around you?

And while I'm asking you questions, where, you snot nosed brats who are no more than overgrown two-year olds-"I'll do it myself! But wipe my nose first, bitch." -get off having children yourselves if the world is so hideous thanks to your parents? I am so very tired of watching you little pissants reproduce only to dump your children on your parents. They're not puppies. BTW, I've got the care and feeding of Fo's now 11 year old puppy, too. But I don't get to see my grandson, his mother dumped him on her mother when she ran off to Rhode Island to be a stripper. All I got was the dog. Grrrr.

You feed on yourselves. You think you are wiping out the good, the graceful, and the heroic, but you are really wiping out yourselves. What asses.

Damn, I am pissed.

If I had the money, I would place an ad:

Genius Nurturer Wants Administrative Management Position. For 35K+ and honest respect I've got your back and will keep you organized AND productive. Serious inquiries only-ASSES NEED NOT REPLY. Ironclad contract required. Contact...

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