TO MY SON:
I'm off. Freyson has my information, I've listed him (and Mary) to be contacted in case of, well, you know.
Do you remember Hurricane Ivan? How the tornadoes were all around me at the office and your dog and I took refuge in the bathtub? And how I texted you thinking I was about to die, and I wanted the last words you read/heard from me were that I loved you and 'Bas, and to be a good father?
'K, right then.
You already know what I have to say-six years haven't diminished my love for you and 'Bas, nor dulled my hopes that you will indeed be a good father.
One thing I did leave out during the 'cane, though, and I need to tell you this before I get on the plane that will be taking me thousands of miles from you...
I'm sorry I disappointed you as a parent. I'm praying for you, that you never endure that same disappointment from your son. But I'm asking you to remember that you can only do the best that you can do based on what you know at the time, and the sort of people you have around you giving you advice at the time. And then all you can do is hope that your child will one day understand that about you, and give you a chance.
In short, you are the sum of all your parts. Don't be too hard on yourself, and if 'Bas ever tries to tell you what a cock-up you've been as a dad, man-up, take it, and try to get him to talk to you-erm, he may not be willing in the time you hope he will.
I used to love flying. Privately, and commercially. That ended on 11th September, 2001. I miss stick time, but ya know, before Grandpa Gunn died I told him I was going to go back and try to get my adult license. He warned me off it, saying the corridor I'd be doing most of my flying in was going to become too dangerous. Turns out he was right.
And now I'm on my way to Scotland. Funny how things work out, right Son?
Any road, I love you, I'm sorry for the things I've done, I forgive you for the things you've done, and I hope that one day I speak to you again, in peace.
You'd really like the man I'm going to marry. He is the epitome of "...a guid clean Scot" your Granddad Gunn was always on about. Who'da thunk it?!
As for Pop, swear to God Son, I know I have his blessing. I would have liked to have yours-I would have liked you to have been at the wedding, done the hand-over. I'll miss you.
And..."I'll Love You Forever", "My Beautiful Boy", in my heart "You Are So Beautiful", and always will be, because "Hope Floats".
LOL, Your Bri, she got every one of those, and I think you should know that for all her faults (ahem, like you're faultless?), the first book she bought your son was "I'll Love You Forever", and she tried to learn both songs I used as lullabies, but truthfully, holy moly, she never could get the hang on John and Yoko's ode to their son...she did a little better with the Cocker tune, though:)
Fox, do not let 'Bas grow up without music, please. PLEASE!! He should have enough in him of me that he should be able to sing and play violin (at least until he ruins his hands the way I did)-please encourage him.
Ta my son, I'm away.