Opened the digital copy of my 'hometown' newspaper yesterday afternoon and found yet another obit for someone I genuinely never expected to die before me much less by apparent suicide. He was more one of my brothers friends than mine, younger by more than ten years so I saw him more as a sort of kid brother than a contemporary. But I always had such admiration and respect for him although he wasn't part of my personal immediate crowd.

'Oddly' enough, I'd been thinking about him, and as a consequence, that brother with whom I had such a falling out (his choice, not mine) more than 30 years ago we've not spoken much at all since. I was so annoyed, in fact, by the resurfacing memories I pushed it all angrily out of my mind. And then yesterday afternoon I found the obituary.

All through last night Jackson Browne's Song For Adam (1972) played on repeat in my head and I woke with it in my head. I've never understood the last line in the song because I do, I always have, and it was the first thing I did on reading about his death.

RIP, kid. This one is for you, and for my brother who I know is grieving in his way at your loss.

Though Adam was a friend of mine
I did not know him well
He was alone into his distance
He was deep into his well
I could guess what he was laughing at
But I couldn't really tell
Now the story's told that Adam jumped
But I've been thinking that he fell

Together we went traveling
As we received the call
His destination India
And I had none at all
Well, I still remember laughing
With our backs against the wall
So free of fear, we never thought
That one of us might fall

I sit before my only candle
But it's so little light to find my way
Now this story unfolds before my candle
Which is shorter every hour
As it reaches for the day
But I feel just like a candle in the way
I guess I'll get there
But I wouldn't say for sure

When we parted we were laughing still
As our goodbyes were said
And I never heard from him again
As each our lives we led
Except for once in someone else's
Letter that I read
Until I heard the sudden word
That a friend of mine was dead

I sit before my only candle
Like a pilgrim sits beside the way
Now this journey appears before my candle
As a song that's growing fainter
The harder I play
That I fear before I end I'll fade away
But I guess I'll get there
Though I wouldn't say for sure

Though Adam was a friend of mine,
I did not know him long
And when I stood myself beside him,
I never though I was as strong
Still it seems he stopped his singing
In the middle of his song
Well I'm not the one to say I know
But I'm hoping he was wrong

I'm holding out my only candle
Though it's so little light to find my way
Now this story's been laid beneath my candle
And it's shorter every hour
As it reaches for the day
Yes, I feel just like a candle in the way
I hope I'll get there
But I never pray