Thursday 5 June 2025 post begun 0850hrs BST

 

If you're sensible, as you age you compromise on what constitutes a 'deal breaker'. You recognise no matter how you work at staying fit (no mean feat when lumbered with multiple-but-well-controlled heart conditions) you're not going to EVER be able to do the sports you did without thinking too much about consequences like pulled muscles. You realise the garden and other maintenance tasks are inching (leaping and bounding) out of your strength and energy levels. 

 

You look around at your current home and think 'Really?!'. 

 

The problem is getting your other half to come to the same realisation you have - that the kitchen and bathroom are not conducive to graceful and comfortable ageing-in-place, and that lovely lawn and shrubs and border plants including daffies and King Solomon Seal are too much work 'at your age'. You realise the living room is 'wrong', the entry hall is 'wrong' and the patio is so much bloody wrong neither of you have actually gone out there in YEARS. 

 

I've come to the conclusion I'm going to have to dare threatening him - either we move or we divorce. I am reasonably confident he'll bluster and argue strenuously and then choose not to call my bluff - he likes my cooking. I want to be moved by August at the very latest. 

 

I am a champion list maker - I make lists and stick with the contents. I make 'pro-con' lists on topics I'm trying to take a decision on (if time allows for lengthy consideration before a decision must be taken and acted on). 

 

My current list is titled 'What I like/dislike about...' a terrace property I looked at last year and thought 'Nope, won't work' because the only bathroom is on the first floor, but have recently come back to (yeah, it's still on the market, now £10K less - I want to know why it hasn't sold). I came back to considering the terraced property after my 'Could We Live In A 1st Floor Flat' list developed a rather serious reason to shift the list to the 'Probably Not' folder - the ground floor properties and the potential hassles of being a good neighbour to the folks on the ground floor. 

 

Oh OK, and the lack of ANY outdoor space - the more I thought about not having so much as a balcony to get a breath of fresh air, the more I realised we both need at least some wee bit of outdoor contiguous to our living space.

 

So now I'm working on finding more 'dislikes' than 'likes' on this quite nice terraced property in a rather nice neighbourhood - however the only dislikes I can come up with are the only bathroom (actually a shower room) is on the 1st floor with no scope for adding a WC (aka 'half-bath' to American readers) on the ground floor, and the room Paul would use as his study has the combi-boiler in the cupboard so he wouldn't be able to sleep in there. 

 

The problem is he hogs the blankets - we went with what is called a 'sleep divorce' (separate sleeping quarters) years ago. To be fair, I am a restless bed hog. So separate works for us:)

 

The second bedroom is big enough for two double beds. He does snore but not badly and only during hay fever season so we could conceivably share the bedroom for sleeping as long as we were sharing via separate beds.

 

The property interior is 'turn-key' with great carpet and paint through-out. The kitchen is well laid out, has a dishwasher, space for a side-by-side larder fridge-freezer AND a dining table and chairs - and it is beautifully open-plan to the sitting room. The 

 

The stair up to the first floor (shower room and two bedrooms) is wide enough for a stair lift. 

 

It has a top quality recently fitted combi-boiler and the entire property was re-wired when the new boiler went in late 2023.

 

This terraced property in a nice neighbourhood has no ground floor neighbours. It also has the added bonus of an elevated position giving a rather lovely 'upper terrace garden area' with paving and decking rather than lawn (I have ideas...), AND a lower off-street parking and bin storage space. It's not overlooked by next door neighbours on either side or across the street. 

 

I've been working on the like/dislike list for two weeks. So far the dislikes are far and away outnumbered by the likes.

 

Published 5 June 0945hrs BST 

 

 

 

 

Monday 26 May 2025 post begun 1036hrs BST

 

IT'S A KITCHEN, D'UH! Of bloody course the cabinetry should be 'satin white' with a dark worktop over, flippin' d'uh - a dark worktop means the impossible-to-avoid tea and 'red sauce' (BBQ, tomato, curry...) stains don't show, and washable 'satin white' cabinetry means drips and other kitchen gunk can be seen and cleaned up immediately.

 

It's called hygienic. It's called sanitary. It's called efficient kitchen from which arrive delicious meals and baked goods you don't worry will give you some nasty food borne illness. 

 

D'UH!

 

I love my husband. But he's incapable of understanding why I constantly agitate for a new kitchen - preferably in a slightly large home. Our current kitchen is the ultimate 'minimalist' dream - so bloody effing small NOTHING fits and actually cooking is next to bloody effing impossible. I've seen on-board railway galleys that are more efficient (and hygienic).

 

Fair play, he has Asperger's and is Aspie-comfortable in this effing shoebox with a garden my heart conditions mean I can't keep up - and he neglects shamefully.

 

He has, with my encouragement, the sole use of the one and only bedroom in this semi - a man with Asperger's NEEDS a sanctuary, a safe retreat from the daily hustle-bustle of home and neighbours. I accepted that need when I married him and while our first marital home had two bedrooms, it worked nicely for us until some serious issues arose.

 

In 2018 we downsized to a lovely one bed-one bath semi tucked away from foot and motor traffic. I knew it was a mistake but we needed to move asap - the first home had a back garden 20ft high retaining wall my building conservation husband recognised presented a collapse threat and the neighbours didn't want to know. Oh, and their two pre-teen daughters thought it a-ok to peer into our windows from their vantage point AND intrude on any BBQ or garden party we tried to have. We. Had. To. Move. Paul was on the verge of permanent meltdown at 'the old house'. 

 

By 2019 I was on a folding bed in the living room so Paul could have the bedroom to his sole use. By 2024 the extremely 'compact' nature of this semi was frazzling my last nerve. It is now mid-2025 and...

 

We need to move. Again - but hopefully for the last time. We're both in our late 60s and need to be realistic. I just don't know (yet) how I'm going to convince my beloved Paulie. 

I've found 'the perfect' property - a 2bed-1bath with an genuinely perfect floor-plan. Now all I have to do is get Paul to consider it, view it (because I know if he actually sees it he will fall in love with it and make an offer on the spot), and then move into it. 

No garden - it's a 1st floor flat with main door and a stair from the main door to the living quarters wide enough for a nice stair lift to be fitted. Fab big kitchen, multi-fuel burner in the living room, both bedrooms great size with one to the rear overlooking a churchyard (right up Paul's street for peace, quiet, and a lovely view:). Modern bathroom AND a converted large walk-in closet turned office (perfect for my sewing-crafting). Oh, did I mention the windows fill the property with sunlight AND the floored and insulated attic is accessed via a discreet actual stair. 

 

We're 'not getting any younger'. This flat I'm dreaming of living in has two bedrooms AND is located on an easy to access street - deliveries would no longer go 'Can't Locate' (sigh) and emergency services can not only find us but can get their appliances right at our doorstep. Our current property is tucked away down a 'goat path' lane only wide enough for a compact car meaning IF emergency services can even find our home they can't get the ambulance or fire engine to us.

 

Did I mention no garden? At this point I'm a-ok with a few houseplants and cut flowers from the supermarket.

If not this flat then another just like it - it may take me a while to convince my darling husband. 

 

Sigh

 

Posted 26 May 2025 1113hrs BST

 

 

 

 

Tuesday 15 April 2025 post begun 1010 BST

 

Holy Week. Semana Santa. A week beginning with the Palm Sunday Mass, a week spent in prayer and contemplation. Usually. 

 

This year we had to forgo Palm Sunday Mass - Paul is down with some kind of not nice virus (I'm thinking a spring cold combined with hay fever) and was reluctant to expose his vulnerable self to potential further yuck-spread crammed into a small church hall. Can't blame him so we watched a televised service then he retired to the study to drink LemSip concoctions in hope of knocking down some of his symptoms. 

Hopefully the Amazon delivery of bulk Extra Soft Kleenex will be here today.

 

 

Post begun 1007hrs Weds 26 Feb 2025

 

I've always known the old saying 'Use it or lose it' was completely true. So true, sigh.

 

Right, so thanks to that childhood bout with Rheumatic Fever (and all the little 'bonus parting gifts' it left me with like a damaged aortic heart valve and Essential Tremor and Rheumatoid Arthritis and...) I missed the important school years during which my age group learned the multiplication tables and long division (and fractions and decimals and...). 

 

I scrapped by but never really learned those all important maths skills. I say 'all important' because without the times tables and the steps to long division under the belt, progressing to things like algebra is impossible. I did manage to scrap by but barely and my lack of maths skills held me back in several ways. The sad truth is the only reason I passed Stats (on the 3rd try) was because I make a damn good cup of coffee and the 3rd time the professor (then called Cal State Long Beach, yes, I am a Miner 49er) saw my face he said he'd pass me if I kept his coffee Thermos full and his appointments straight. I did, he did, and I scrapped by, again.

 

I confess all that to explain why, aged 68 as the New Year of 2025 loomed, I made the mother of all NY Resolutions - yes, dear readers, I resolved to FINALLY learn multiplication and long division. 

The nearest actual bookstore is a two hour bus ride south so I bought several books online aimed at adults claiming to be absolute beginner self-guided teaching manuals. HA! Books arrived, opened to intro pages and discovered...

 

THE PREREQUISITE TO USING THOSE BLOODY DAMN BOOKS WAS...

 

Full understanding of multiplication and long division. Oh, and fractions and decimals as well. 

 

So I bought 'workbooks' for children, again having to shop online so a few of those books arrived and were yer basic 'Oh bloody hell, what a waste'. A double digit number of those books aimed at ages 6-11 years old, however, have been proving 'just the ticket'. 

 

Except. Except if I skip one day working on the current book, I forget nearly everything I've learned so far. Use it or lose it. So now I'm worried once I finish all the books (the ones for children and the ones for adults) I will forget all the hard won maths skills. sigh

 

Worse, I've discovered even with 1-2 hours a day work, I still can't make the 8-times tables stick in my head, also the 12s. Even using it (to avoid losing it) I STILL can't make my mind confidently remember 8x9 equals 72 (and yes I did have to pull out the multiplication square to see the answer).

 

Which leads me to worrying my inability to retain certain core facts is an early indicator of one of the forms of dementia. 

 

So I consulted (I now avoid the NHS so paid privately) a doctor known for his gerontology expertise. He laughed, in a kind way, but he laughed and I felt quite small and stupid and wondered why I was spending triple digits to consult this man. 

 

And then. He said he has trouble with the 9-times table and has since aged 8. He also complimented my decision to try to learn these maths skills, said the work would help keep my brain challenged which would stave off 'normal for age' cognitive decline and since my scans and other tests completely ruled out vascular dementia, I could safely stop worrying including worrying about the 8 and 12-times tables. And he said once I worked through the maths skills books I would need to find another brain challenge - for the rest of my life - if I really wanted to fight off cognitive decline. 

 

I dunno, maybe another go at learning Italian?