POST BEGUN MON 3 AUG 2026 1004HRS BST

 

 When I was around eight years old I resolved to 'grow old with dignity'. By age eight, you see, I'd been around enough 'adults' growing old in seriously undignified ways to know I did not want that disgrace for myself should I live long enough to be 'old'. It was the 1960s and the time period was becoming known as 'the swinging 60s' - ugh. I freely admit a fair part of my disdain for 40something women in low-cut blouses and mini-skirts was down to childhood prudishness but honestly a larger part was owing to disgust at the way these simpering cows flung themselves with increasing desperation at men who could not be called gentlemen if the flinging included bedroom (or backseat or airing cupboard or...) antics. 

 

At the same time I observed my older siblings (sister 12 years older, brother six years older) wallowing in an ever-deepening cess pit of 'free love' and drugs. I distinctly recall my brother admitting he'd 'do pills and pot' but never needles after seeing a girlfriend od on heroin which included a massive blister that formed as he waited for the ambulance. Didn't stop him trying anything smokeable or swallowable, though. 

 

SIDEBAR MOMENT: after high school and college (my alma mater is now a university but at the time was a state college) I joined the USCG (1974-1986). In the late '80s my brother was 'the million dollar man' at Palm Beach County Jail as the biggest drugs kingpin they'd nicked at the time and my military service was known to the police who delighted in calling me 'Al Capone's other brother' once they determined I'd played no part in my brother's drug smuggling operation. 

 

Al Capone's other brother was a police officer who'd so disassociated himself from his gangster family he changed his name and became a highly successful Prohibition era Nebraska copper.

 

My brother was released in the mid-1990s and has been a fully law-abiding member of his community.

 

 I watched the '60s become the '70s, watched my so-called 'peer group' as they fumbled their way to an adulthood I was certain would lead to a dystopian future (and oh was I right!) all the while determined to 'age gracefully' AND be a 'good person'. Not sure about the 'good person' part (yeah, I've done some silly things, hasn't everyone?) but I feel I can say, as age 70 looms (God willing) at the end of the month, I have stuck to my childhood resolution. No 'mutton dressed as lamb', no cosmetic surgery meant to 'defy ageing'. I've been wearing sensible shoes since my mid-20s. 

 

Now if I could just convince my darling Paul we really do need a slightly bigger home!