Friday 26th May 2023 1017hrs BST

 

My sister would have been 79 today if she'd not passed away in 2018. She was 12 years older than me and was a major player in my upbringing thanks to a wicked witch of the west stepmother whose sole contribution to my upbringing was to deliberately work as destroying not only my childhood but our entire family. 

 

Valerie and I had been officially estranged since 1986 but unofficially all my life - she hated me, blamed me for our parents divorce, and convinced herself I was only her half-sister, going to her grave, I'm told, insisting our stepmother was my biological mother. (she wasn't, a fact proven when my brother needed a kidney donation and the tests proved we share such complete dna that the medics said we could have been fraternal twins. He ended up not needing the kidney, btw)

 

And I think a large part of her hate (couldn't be described as anger, it was clearly out and out hate) was she was forced from a too early age to essentially raise me from infancy. There were times she expressed her hate via physical violence I am convinced only divine intervention kept me from full-on death rather than 'simple' broken bones and bruises our stepmother routinely covered up by claiming I'd self-harmed. 

 

OK, the beatings hurt physically and mentally, the lies I'd done it all to myself hurt mentally but to be honest what hurt more than anything else was the way EVERYONE from family (who bloody well knew better) to school to the occasional doctor I was reluctantly taken to when the injuries were so severe they were afraid I'd die and they'd have to come up with a very convincing lie to explain how I'd died OR bury my body out on the desert and then claim I'd run away. 

 

From nursery school through high school NO-ONE EVER CONSIDERED I MIGHT BE THE VICTIM OF SOME SUPREMELY HORRIFIC ABUSE AT THE HANDS OF MY SISTER AND STEPMOTHER. NO-ONE.

 

But. But I was heartbroken at Valerie's rejection. I idolised her. Until 1986 I knocked myself out trying to win her approval knowing full well I was only ever going to be kicked back (often physically but heigh ho) but oh I did keep trying. 

 

From 1986 to the day I was informed of her death in 2018 I cherished hope one day we could sort our (her) issues. 

 

I don't even know where she is buried. Where ever her physical remains are, I hope her soul has finally found peace. She was almost as much a victim as I was.